Story Archive - February 2005

High Hopes (02/28/2005)

How can you not like Britney Spears? - Lindsay Lohan

I finally got around to acquiring the Ashlee's and Lindsey's CDs over the weekend. Bubblegum pop is part of my guilty music pleasure. I officially decree them both crap. What has happened to the teeny boppers? Even Avril's second album didn't do it for me. In a couple of days Hilary's new CD comes out. I hear that it's more punkish than before. I certainly hope so.

I think the industry is ready for a new breakout teen pop-star. Doesn't even have to be a girl. Another teen bubblegum punk band like Simple Plan would be great.

Yeah, Your Dilbert Mug Screams 'High Class' (02/27/2005)

I just want to say one word to you - just one word - plastics. - (The Graduate)

She opens the cabinet and looks around for a split second. "Can I have a grownup glass?" she asks me. Though I didn't mean to, I guess I had a pained look on my face because a moment later she grabs a plastic cup and blurts out, "never mind, I can just use one of these." Of course, there are four glass cups up there. Idiot. She pouring salt into a wound.

It puts me at a loss as friends and family consistently open up the cabinet and say, "Ohh, you should really get new dishes." Really? Maybe you should get a new face! Can't be. I'm so consistently told I need new plates and cups that it hurts. Every time someone says it, I drill into them for an explanation. In the beginning I wasn't trying to be an ass about it. I thought maybe i was going to hear how plastic released toxic chemicals that would slowly kill me. Why do I need to replace these dishes? What great functional failing do they have that I just haven't caught on to yet? What wonderful new feature will a ceramic dish provide to me? No one seems to know. Seriously, is a cabinet of 90% plastic dish ware really going to cause God to rain down the hellfire and turn people into salt?

I despise replacing something that is functional with another something that provides no additional value. What a gluttonous consumer-oriented society. I don't need new dishes. I don't need new cups. I don't need a new sofa. I don't need new clothes. I don't need new table clothes. I have all these wonderful things. Wonderful things I have spent a lifetime collecting that fill consistently fill my needs. I've had them for years. I will have them for years to come.

Sure, I've grown stubborn for the purpose of being stubborn. I know it.

My plastic cups, bought four for a dollar at Michael's a dozen years ago, are a treasure. I will pass them on to my grandkids as inheritance. Sure, it will take centuries, but these cheap items will become a family heirloom.

Granola (02/24/2005)

I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. - Megan Mullally

Binzar: What kind of coffee do you drink?

Jordan: Why?

Binzar: You don't drink the office coffee; so what do you drink?

Jordan: Organically grown fair trade coffee. The current blend is from Heifer. Why?

Binzar: Will you drink Peet's?

Jordan: Peet's has some fair trade blends. Why?

Binzar: Is that why you don't wear jeans? Some sort of hippie reason? Destroys the earth?

Jordan: Nope. Are you changing the office coffee?

Binzar: Where do your parents live? Berkeley? Canada? Some other socialist state?

Jordan: Sacramento. It's actually somewhat conservative.

Binzar: What do they do?

Jordan: My dad is a land developer.

Wonder Will: Doesn't he own, like, a dozen SUVs?

Jordan: No. Only around four.

Binzar: Is your granola behavior some sort of guilt?

Jordan: Keeps me from going to hell.

12,132 Steps (02/20/2005)

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. - Winston Churchill

I stole an awesome Peugeot bike from a friend complete with front light and bike lock. Unfortunately, he couldn't find the key for the lock. I spent a little while with a Bic (R) pen trying to do the magic trick of popping the lock without success. Anyway, with the fear of those nefarious Stanford students, I couldn't dare leave the bike out unshackled and that left me forced to perambulate.

Today being one of those days for a blood letting, I trekked 2,792 steps to the medical center, a vast improvement on the thirty mile drive it used to take. My pheblotomist asked me how many tubes she should take. I'm fairly confident that people performing medical procedures on me should not be asking me how to do their job.

Then I strutted over to the Cantor Center to see the On the Edge exhibit. I sketched a tad; something I haven't done in a while because I'm just not very good at it. I fell asleep in the courtyard. It was probably the best sleep I've had in weeks. Guess I should spend more time sleeping at museums.

On day left of this three day weekend. I baked cookies.

Me (02/17/2005)

• You may be well thought of because you rarely antagonize others or rarely want the spotlight.
• You are rather quiet and modest. You tend not to show assertiveness and are never domineering or egocentric. You prefer others to be in the spotlight rather than yourself.
• When meeting new people, you may be rather unassuming and mild mannered. You will be cooperative and easygoing in social groups and family events, because of an inherent need not to make waves or cause hostility.
• You become most comfortable in situations when the best offense is a good defense. You seldom act aggressively towards others, but will demonstrate a passive resistance from time to time.
• When treated fairly, you can be sound and stable and seen as a dedicated and devoted individual. You hesitate to say no and will seldom, if ever, attack.
• In some new situations you may become somewhat unsure because of your need to feel secure in most activities. You will warm up to the new people or event in your own time.
• Because of a need to avoid confrontation, you may not express an opinion. As a result, you may go along with others, even if you disagree with the activity, sacrificing your own self-interests to accommodate others.
• Your style shows you to be a much better listener than many other styles. You will listen carefully and attend to what others say. People who are talkative by nature may seek you out because of the natural audience you provide.
• You would most likely not consider yourself an extremist on various issues, or in socializing with others. You do not need to be the center of attention like others, and in fact may feel rather uncomfortable when in the limelight.
• You generally communicate with others in a mild-mannered way. You do not like to make waves and create disharmony. As a result, you may defer your own ideas to those of others.

New Messages One BILLION. Read Now? (02/15/2005)

Rum (02/14/2005)

Drink moderately, for drunkeness neither keeps a secret, nor observes a promise. - Miguel de Cervantes

It's a rare event for me to see one of my friends get themselves sick on alcohol. It's very rare indeed. My life is low drama. We we drink, nothing good can come from it; only great things come from it.

Yet, as any band geek will tell you, the band is a horrible influence.

This weekend we went to vodka distillery located in an hangar on the old Alameda naval base. We had a late start (thanks a lot Riznosszar) and got lost multiple times on the way there (thanks a lot Adzar and MapQuest). Additionally, because I drive an environmentally responsible car, I always end up as the driver. We didn't manage to show up until about five minutes before closing, and only squeezed in a few tastes. I bought a bottle of single malt whiskey, because I'm a lush.

Anyway, back home again and Battlestar Galactica goes on the TV while people are knocking back the vodka, and whiskey, and wine, and rum, and irish creme, and who knows what else. I'm fairly certain that Battlestar Galactica is one of the highest quality science fiction shows on television in a long time.

Finally, here is a lesson that two of my friends have learned the hard way over the past year. The Bacardi 151 rum is there so that I can breathe fire. Putting it in your drink is a misuse.

Boom (02/10/2005)

My car puked on me today. I was driving back from lunch and three warning lights came on. The display kindly gave detailed information by saying, "problem." Well crap.

I Heard There Was a Football Game (02/06/2005)

Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George F. Will

Hey, did you know there was a football game on yesterday? I didn't watch it, because the Seahawks weren't playing. Sometime in mid-grade school the class became divided over which football team to give allegiance to. The default choice was obviously the Niners, but we had a big sports fan in the class pushing hard for the Seahawks. There was heavy pressure to take a side and the class split dramatic along lines of friendship. Having no friends and not a caring about the world about the foosball, I kept my neutrality. Then, through a brilliant tactic of bribery, I found myself a Seahawks fan. If you were offered candy bars, you'd crack too. Though I still root for the Seahawks in name (I bet the kid never realized a couple candy bars would get him a life long "fan"), I really couldn't care less about the team. They did beat the Niners in a couple games this year, though I've heard that my high school band could have beaten them in a couple games this year. The only football teams I ever cared about were the Surge, the Goldminers, the SacAttack and the Knights.

Directions to the New Place (02/01/2005)

And they broke the Ban of the Valar, and sailed into forbidden seas... - The Silmarillion, "Akallabêth"

The new apartment is in the West. Which makes it a little tricky to get to. You must drive the Straight Road on Arboretum, lest you end up in the shopping center. At Sandhill you will smell a sweet fragrance on the air and hear the sound of singing coming over the water. Turn onto Clark and the grey rain-curtain turns all to silver glass and rolls back, and behold white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise. Park and you must walk in the deserted ways, and the dust upon your raiment and shoes will be a dust of diamonds, and shine and glistened as you climb the long white stairs.