Story Archive - January 2005

Make Me Know Why I'm Alive (01/30/2005)

To be alive at all involves some risk. - Harold MacMillan

I was sitting happily at home a couple of months ago curled up on the couch with a friend watching a movie. The movie ended, we drew back the shades, and I was taken aback by the perfection of the day outside. The sunlight smacked melike a fish and awoke some part of me that had long been dormant. I like being outside. I love being outside. "Why are we inside today?" I asked. "We're lazy?" she responded.

While my body has fully recovered from my last fight with CJS, my psyche is still timid. It's kept me from going out away from civilization. It's kept me from doing a lot of the more physical things used to spend my weekends doing. It's kept me, along with crippling sense of awkwardness, from going clubbing with my friends. NO MORE! There's some risk involved, but life is risky.

Saturday, I woke up bright an early and the clouds were gone. The blue sky called out, "come bask in my warmth." I took a quick environmentally friendly drive over to Astradero park and spent an hour exploring. The recent rain muddied the ground and my boots showed their water proof power. While hiking, I played through through Jekyll & Hyde; I've been enraptured by the Façade song recently. Supposedly, there's a lake in that park. I didn't find it.

Sunday was once again awe inspiring. I took a run along the creek side trail right by the apartments. It was gorgeous. It was intoxicating. I was compelled to do something I haven't done in years. Sunday afternoon I pulled my skates out of the box where they have sat for years, strapped them on and headed downtown. Wonderful. Seriously wonderful. I ran into one of my best friends down town who was getting ready to go biking in the hills. All I could think was, "I need to get a new bike."

Downtown is barely two miles from home, but the day was amazing. I probably took ten miles on my way home. I got home, drenched in sweat, my legs aching and my heart on fire. I have a thirst that I cannot deprive. Never have I felt so alive!

Wil has a Posse (01/27/2005)

I like meeting all my fans and signing autographs, although it can all get a bit crazy. Yesterday, for example, a boy just came over and planted a big kiss on my face! I was like, 'Hello?' - Britney Spears

I saw Wil speak at the Borders in San Francisco a couple of weeks ago. He was up in town for Mac World. It was standing room only at the Borders. People cheered him on so long he did an encore. No matter how cool you may think Wil is, he is infinitely cooler to see in person. He even did his reading uncensored, which is a rare treat, but we are all potty-mouths in San Francisco.

While he was doing the signing I sat at the very front just watching him interact. Each person said a comment and whether it was about Stand By Me, HTML, Texas Hold'em or Star Trek he spent many minutes showing interest in the topic and speaking to them. That's class.

Wil: "Hey there."

Jordan: "Hey. I'm the guy who sent you the RSS html tag."

Wil: "Ohh my god! Thank you for that! I actually was talking with the people on Fark about that and we were trying to find a way [insert long string of geek talk about websites here.] I'm going to redo my whole website in the near future."

At this point Wil signs my copy of JAG, "Thanks for the Meta-Tag!" He picks up my second book.

Wil: "Do you just want me to sign this one to Jordan?"

Wil begins to sign it.

Jordan: "Actually, could you sign it, 'Hugs and Kisses?'"

Wil pauses. Wil looks up at me.

Wil: "No, I absolutely cannot sign it that way."

Jordan's Lackey #1: "What?!? He's been talking about having you sign it that way all day!"

Jordan's Lackey #2: "Just sign it Wil and Jordan can write in 'hugs and kisses' later."

Wil: "D'oh!"

Then he signed the book, "Sorry I can't write hugs-n-kisses."

Jordan: "And can I get a picture throwing the goat?"

Wil: "Ohh yeah! But I haven't eaten dinner and I'm going to pass out if I stand up again."

So we do.

Jordan and Wil Throw Goat Thanks for the Meta-Tag Hugs-N-Kisses

i am not so great at the relationships recently (01/27/2005)

Seriously, why are you left-brain types always such big romantics?! - Viking

Each year, for new years, I make a small set of actionable new year's resolutions. I also try and make one grandiose resolution that I can't easily measure but should affect some part of my behavior in general. In 2004, my BHAG resolution was not to break hearts. To the best of my knowledge, I only broke one.

How I have watched the woman from afar
and tried to keep discretely from her gaze.
Now shining bright, but distant as a star.
I lingered in that distance from her rays.
Yet now I start to see it all anew.
For years I may have traveled a wrong course.
At peace I find I readjust my view
and walk this open path without remorse.
I pause at what I see within her heart.
What moves the strength I see within her soul?
What made her wit and beauty finally start
to light in me a smoldering ember coal?
Perhaps it was not meant for me to know,
and yet I long to know it even so.

How my pedometer told me I am sedentary (01/25/2005)

Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very fast. - Thomas Jefferson

Here's the new problem with my new job: it has eliminated the mile walk portion from my commute. Now I travel a couple hundred feet to the car and park a couple hundred feet from the building. I got a pedometer for Christmas and I've been diligently wearing it. I expected that I would be somewhat on the low end, but not horribly low. I am a huge proponent of standing up and walking over to colleague's desks when I have a question. I drink far too much water and need to run to the restroom quite often as well.

It's been a month now, I haven't done anything to change my walking habits, and I have discovered that I walk, on average, just under five thousand steps per day. On the wonderful chart of walking health that puts me at a sedentary life style. Damn man! I swear, I walk around a hell of a lot more than most of my coworkers. They must be classified as a comatose lifestyle.

Is there a new years resolution to be made out of this? Maybe, but I don't have to make it for another eleven months.

Dental Damage (01/20/2005)

Is my dentist not bound by the Geneva Convention? - Gerhard Kocher

Through some brilliant planning on my part, I had a 7:30am dentist appointment at the dentist located about two miles from my old apartment. So on Monday night, after walking out of the movies at 12:30am, I didn.t get to simply go the five miles to the new apartment, but instead, went the thirty-odd miles to the old place to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. Still, it was all worth it when the alarm went off at 7:10am and I was able to make it for the 7:30am appointment at the dentist.

My dentist, who I swear looks a little like Eric Idle, finished up removing the last remaining bits of decay from my fiasco way back in February when I learned that I had more cavities than teeth. This year has been an important lesson. Brushing is also a good idea, but I brushed. Flossing is also a good idea, but I flossed. Burning antiseptic mouthwash is also a good idea, but I did that too. Go to the dentist. Go to the dentist. Go to the dentist. If I had been slothless (how's that for a nonce word) enough to go during my multi-year absence, they would have caught the tooth weakening early, got me on my deadly toothpaste sooner and I may have skated through with only one or two dozen cavities instead.

Seriously, if you haven't gone to the dentist in a while, I will personal detailing out for you the .why I was a moron about this debacle and you will be inspired to go see your dentist. Pay out of pocket if you have to. I'll pay for it! Just go.

Well, it's a good lesson. Using the profit on my bills, I think my dentist took his entire family to some tropical island over the holidays.

Wil Has a Posse (01/15/2005)

I'm moving this weekend, but lots to share when I get all that sorted out. Stories I might be writing if I had time:

Until then:

Jordan and Wil

Minor Celebrities (01/12/2005)

They key, you see, is to write something that adds values to their life. It's simple. The good people out there, the ones I actually enjoy hearing back from, feel obliged to send thanks when you do them a favor. I swear I get a rush when I see an e-mail from one of these guys.

Gene,

I heard you use the word "incentivize" on this evening's show. I know you take care to adhere to the nuances of English, so you may not know that according to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word's first known written appearance was in the late 1960's. Recently created words that add no additional value to the language should be shunned. I'd suggest saying "to offer incentive" instead.

Thanks for the show,

..Jordan

p.s. I always appreciate your proper usage of the subjunctive tense.

A few days later:

Dear Jordan,

To be frank, I share the OED's disdain for the work [sic] incentivize. No one was more surprised at my use of that word than I was. Your [sic] unlikely to hear it from me again. If there were a devil, he made me do it! Thanks for the kind words, and for listening & writing.

Sincerely,

Gene

I will forgive Gene's two typos because he took care to cleverly include a usage of the subjunctive tense in his response.

Alumni (01/08/2005)

It's impossible for me to get emotional about it, because real estate doesn't interest me. It's no doubt a great flaw in my personality... - Kurt Vonnegut

So I went to an alumni event last night for my college. I had a decent time, but instead of relating it, I will relate a slightly fictional version which is half plagiarized from a friend.

Random Alum I Have Nothing In Common With Anymore (wearing a Gucci leather jacket and carrying a way-too-adoreable Kate Spade handbag, sipping some colorful cocktail I can't even name): So, where are you living? What are you doing?

Me (wearing my "nice" corduroys and carrying my work backpack complete with Sailor Moon patch, unshaven and gulping down non-alcoholic beer): Uh, I'm living in San Leandro currently, but I'll be moving to Palo Alto soon.

RAYHNICWA: Oh, did you buy a house or a condo there? (sip, sip)

Me: No, no. I'm moving into a two bedroom apartment with a friend, but I'll be saving a lot of money on rent. I'd like to buy something. Someday. I'm saving. (gulp, gulp)

RAYHNICWA: I see. So are you working in Palo Alto?

Me: Well, I'm working in Redwood City now. I just started a new job. So I'll be closer. That's why I've moved. I'm at a VC-funded start up.

RAYHNICWA: Startups? (sip, sip) I hear a lot of people are laid off at start ups. How is there stock doing? We you there for the IPO?

Me: Well, they haven't gone public quite yet.

RAYHNICWA: Is the IPO soon?

Me: Well, I don't know. They're not profitable yet. But they have a lot of good customers.

RAYHNICWA: Ohhh. (sip, sip)

(Awkward silence. We both look around to see if there is a way to escape.)

Me: (gulp, gulp) So, um, what about you? Where are you living? Working?

RAYHNICWA: Oh, well, I just married (insert name of some other alumni). We bought a house in Menlo Park. I'm running a team in (insert name of fortune 500 company)'s new product development division, but am interviewing for a better-paying job with (insert name of larger fortune 500 company). We really want to move to the Los Alto Hills. Oh hi honey (kiss, kiss)! You remember Jason!

Me: Um, Jordan.

RAYHNICWA: Yes, Jordan. He's working at some start up you've never heard of.

RAHNICWA's Husband (Wearing Ralph Lauren suit extends one hand to shake and other hand with business card): Hey Jordan, how you doing? You seem like a dynamic entrepreneurial individual. I do financial planning. You know, you could make a real killing with the right investments. Why don't we setup an appointment when you can come by and review your portfolio with me.

Me: Um, thanks. (chug) I seem to have finished my drink, I'm going to grab another one. (Running away)

RAHNICWA's Husband: Great meeting you. I'll have RAYHNICWA look you up on Alumni Connection so we can schedule that appointment.

(Back to bar with relief. Order Roy Rogers.)

Random Alum I Have Never Met From Different Year (walks up and pats me on shoulder): Jordan, hey. I was just speaking with RAYHNICWA and I hear you're looking at buying a house. I'm into real estate. Here's my card.

Me: Could you excuse me a moment, I'm going to go break down into tears now...

Rain Days (01/07/2005)

The drop of rain maketh a hole in the stone, not by violence, but by oft falling. - Hugh Latimer

I rarely regret growing up in the lush green of Sacramento Valley or living in the tropical paradise of the San Francisco bay area. There is one thing this land of milk and money lacks compared to a place like Denver. We don't get snow days.

Today should have been a snow day. Sure, as I was driving across the bridge on my way to work I could see gall force winds forcing the rain to go sideways, but I came. Sure, there were three car accidents along my twenty-mile commute, but I came. Today should have been a rain day.

Tsunami (01/02/2005)

I hadn't heard the news in a few weeks. It's blissful to not pay attention to what's happening in the world, but it does catch you off guard sometimes. Last week at work a few messages went around stating that my colleagues who were vacationing in Thailand over the holidays were okay. No more context than that was given and I mostly ignored it. So it wasn't until around Thursday, a full five days after, that I actually learned there had been an earthquake. I still ignored it. Earthquakes happen all the time.

On Saturday, as I was driving home from my New Years party I was listening to radio, something I hadn't done in a few weeks, and for the first time I heard the death toll. I tried to visualize it. Take the population of the entire town I live in, multiply it by two, and you still hadn't reached it. Fill up ten Arco Arenas and you're there. It's a little like a hectagon; you can rationalize a polygon with one-hundred sides, but you can't really visualize it.

So as my attempts were failing, I pulled over to the side of the Altamont Pass and took a moment to disgorge. Sorry about that if you were passing by, I'm sure it wasn't any fun for you either.

I spent some time over the weekend trying to put things into perspective. With a planetary population of six and a half billion combine with a mortality rate of about 0.88%, it implies around one-hundred and fifty thousand people die on the average day. The world is weird.

Anyway, I routed funds towards the relief effort and I've been encouraging friends to do likewise.

Though I strongly dislike inline linking: