Story Archive - June 2004

Travels (06/30/2004)

In the space age, man will be able to go around the world in two hours-one for flying and the other to get to the airport. - Neil H. McElroy

I show up at the airport ridiculously early because it's been a few years since I've done the whole "take Bart to the airport" routine and completely overestimate the amount of time it takes. I get into the thirty-minute long security line and hear at least five people shoving through, "Excuse me! I'm going to miss my flight!" I get stopped for a search, because I always get stopped for a search. I think it has to do with the computer, MP3 player, digital camera, GPS, assorted power cables, USB watch or one of the other many assorted gadget and gizmos. But no. I've forgotten to remove my tuning fork from the bag. In case you didn't know, the tuning fork will cause you to get searched 100% of the time. Don't have it in your carry-on.

Current meatspace coordinates: 37 degrees, 42.733 minutes N latitude 122 degrees 12.930 minutes W longitude

AXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX (06/30/2004)

A winner rebukes and forgives; a loser is too timid to rebuke and too petty to forgive - Sydney J. Harris

I claim I don't care what other people think about such trivial matters, but I do care. Everyone is a little petty and no one likes to be stereotyped when they feel like the stereotype doesn't apply.

This week is my annual trip to Anime Expo in Los Angeles. I have a hard time telling a lot of my friends what I'm doing. Not because I don't want them to know that there's a whole lot of good animation that I connect with, but because I don't want them to lump me in with the Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh! crowd. Not because I don't watch Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh! (I do), but because I think I'm pretty distinct from the major demographic of people watching it and thus the stereotype.

I think what I find the most disturbing at AX is widely accepted practice of the middle-aged dudes with their really expensive cameras who go around taking pictures of the teenage girls in really skimpy costumes. It's for a publication? Which one? www.scantilycladanimegirls.com? I see. Should I be more frightened of the man with the camera, or the unending number of scantily clad anime girls happy to seductively pose for him?

I've gotten called an "anime fanatic" by a bunch of my friends and it freaks me out. I go to the annual exposition, and I know what an anime fanatic is, and that is not me. Seriously. I've never purchased a single anime video or manga comic. I preferred watching the English dubs, and that is an act of sacrilege among the anime snobs.

I just don't want the people who have no clue what I'm talking about to lump me in with the "I love Pokemon come play the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game with me" crowd, and I don't want the people who know exactly what I'm talking about to lump me in with the "I have an Astro Boy tattoo and my entire life savings is invested in my multi-room dvd collection of fan subs" crowd.

I'm somewhere in the middle. Please, give me your love and acceptance. And maybe, if you really want, I'll introduce you to one of my favorite series, just don't hold it against me when the ending makes me cry.

(aside) The BART train smells like urine. There are enough streets to pee in around SF that people should not feel the need to pee on public transportation.

I Feel Dirty (06/28/2004)

Presidenting is hard! - George W. Bush (portrayed by Will Farrel)

I'm a moderate. I'm about as politically moderate as a person can get. I stand by the motto of, "it's really more overwhelming than you think." The average America doesn't spend the time it takes to understand it. Heck, I love this stuff, and I don't spend the time it takes to understand it. So whenever I hear extremists I jump on the cause of, "Well, you haven't thought about all this other stuff."

So, F911 comes out in theatres and I contributed to the $24 million in revenue it pulled in. But, there wasn't anything too amazing was there? If you're a religious watcher of Frontline (and perhaps and avoider of Fox News and CNN), you've seen a whole lot of that stuff before. Frontline had an amazing special called, "The Long Road to War" which was basically a clips show of documentaries over the past decade talking about America's relationship with Iraq. It's brilliant!

Regardless, a lot of people seemed pretty amazed about the movie. I couldn't help butting my head in when I was overhearing the office talk about the movie. You know what the problem is? I feel a little dirty because I'm defending Bush. Why? Because he's not evil. He's not. Because he's not stupid. He's not. Sorry to tell you people this, but it's true.

That being said, Bush sure isn't getting my vote my 2004. I live in California, where my vote doesn't actually matter. So I guess I'll probably end up voting my conscious for a third party member. But not Nader. He is evil. It's true.

I'm No Superman (06/24/2004)

The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise. - Tacitus

I took another bail on the e-Scoot heading into work this morning. Maybe I should wear more pads and a helmet? Still, when I soaring down the street at around five or six miles an hour it hardly seems like a problem. There's this stretch of sidewalk on Battery in front of a hotel that has these nice wood grooves in it. The back wheel got snagged just the wrong wave in the groove and the scooter lost it.

As I went flying forward, legs wrapping around the handlebars, I had that vision of myself slamming into the sidewalk any every bone in my body exploding into pieces. In reality I stumbled quickly ahead saying, "watch out!" loudly as I stumbled forward past the morning pedestrians. I finally made it to a halt, not battered in the slightest, and apologized profusely to the young lady I had nearly barreled over. She laughed loudly at me, then choked it back and said, "I'm sorry. That was hysterical, and I kind of wanted to see you just spill onto the sidewalk." She paused briefly, "I mean, are you actually okay?"

Gems (06/22/2004)

This feeling won't stop 'till there's no more. - Sickle-sell Disease (Visions of Death)

I'm a packrat at heart. It runs in the family. At the same time, I fight hard against the urges. My little place is too small to store a lot of stuff in, and as my friends and family keep sending me things they don't want, I don't have a good place to unload it. All this stuff (the old VCR, books, etc.) could have a good home; it's just not mine. A lot of the stuff makes its way over to Goodwill, but some of it (the box full of the First Season of Nintendo Power) is going to be a big hit over there, even if I know there's someone out there in the world who would love to have it.

Today, as I was doing more clean up, I came across a rare treat. I found a tape given to me by a friend in high school. It's a nostalgic pleasure to listen to "The Worst of Sickle-sell Disease" playing across my speakers. All I can think is... "Ohhh no! Dead sewer rat, hit by a semi. The rejected teenage mutant ninja turtle. Because even God says, 'opps' sometimes." Well, you had to be there.

Where ever you are Joe, rock on!

Techno-optimist (06/20/2004)

True knowledges comes from words in binded volumes, not from ones and zeros. - Rupert Giles (Buffy)

We weren't allowed to make the "technological optimistic" argument when I took ethics. The idea that technology would evolve sufficiently to cure all of our environment woes was considered a cheap way out. There was a good article in SNW about the harm on the environment from receiving a newspaper each day as opposed to reading your news online or on PDA.

I've never taken a newspaper. I have always read my news on the PDA. I read around 50% of my books on the PDA as well, and would love for that to reach 100% someday. I've written letters to various authors and publishing companies saying, "please create an electronic version of you product." Some day we will all read everything on handheld devices, drive zero emission cars and let cars change into our lane in traffic. I'm hope I'm around to see it.

Geek? Sure. Hippie? Sure. There's not mutually exclusive. Everyone should have a Sierra Club decal in the back of her hybrid.

Nap at the Park (06/14/2004)

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

It was my first free weekend after the big project launch. The first one where I was able to push work completely out of my mind and do what I like to do best, nothing. Well, I like to do nothing exciting. On the scale of couch potato to party animal, I prefer a weekend reading to a weekend clubbing.

On Saturday I was taking a nap at the park. I heard the rustle of children about twenty feet away making noise on their bikes. I rolled over to look, and one of the kids yelled out to me "Get a job you lazy [expletive]!" and the kids rode off at full speed. Cute. I thought briefly of yelling back, but quickly realized that three ten-year-old kids could easily beat me up.

A Kick When You're Down (06/10/2004)

A criminal is a person with predatory instincts without sufficient capital to form a corporation. - Howard Scott

I've been home rather late every night this past week. I haven't taken the last train home, so it's not ridiculously late, but it's still rather late. Just last night I came rolling up to my car and as I got out my keys I thought, "that's odd." The Club(TM) was sitting on the driver's seat, but I slap that on like clockwork every morning. I could have sworn I had put that on before leaving the car. The driver's seat was also leaned back. Normally the last thing that I do is grab my scooter out of the back seat, and hence, the driver's seat is leaning forward. Still, I've been a bit haggard, so I unlocked the door, jumped in and that's when I noticed the stereo faceplate was gone. I knew I had left it attached in the morning because on my way into to work I had distinctly thought, "Crap; I forgot to take off my stereo faceplate."

A moment later I noticed the cover of the ignition had been removed. That's when I realized some immoral person had broken into the car. I suppose I should have been struck with a feeling of violation that some perp had ruffled through Schmoozie. Maybe if I weren't so tired, I'd be livid. Really, I wish I had it in me to care.

I frantically checked all the windows. They were all in tact. The doors had been locked when I checked the car. I suppose in the grand scheme of things I was "lucky" it wasn't any worse. The total damage appears to be: one missing stereo faceplate, a couple dollars in change (though not the ~$5 in quarters and two $1 bills for emergency bridge toll in the ash tray), the FM transmitter for my MP3 player (though not the phone charger or hands-free device) and the plastic cover around the ignition system. All the CDs are still in the car. My registration and proof of insurance is still in the car. Everything in the boot appears untouched.

So, there you go. All it really cost me is a new stereo if I feel like taking the time to get one before Schmoo's replacement shows up. Five years parking at the same train station and I had my first break in that caused relatively little damage. Poor Schmoo. I could feel him shiver as I kissed him goodbye. And how the hell was the Club(TM) just sitting on the seat? The steering wheel wasn't sawed. There was no visible damage to the Club(TM). Stupid security device!

Midlife Crisis (06/06/2004)

At every crisis in one's life, it is absolute salvation to have some sympathetic friend to whom you can think aloud without restraint or misgiving. - Woodrow Wilson

I'm having a midlife crisis. I never quite thought of it that way before, but I was talking about my current situation and woes and changes and such to a friend and she had this realization that I was going through a midlife crisis. Really. Examine her evidence.

First, I have been a bit more lachrymose in the recent year than usual. Second, I have recently quit a job where I did very well doing technical consulting to move to a new job in advertising. Third, I just bought a shiny new car. Fourth, I am looking to relocate out of the dregs of the east bay into downtown San Francisco.

The only thing left is to start looking for a new girlfriend who is ten years younger than me. Lookout high school girls!

"javaone babes" (06/06/2004)

My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'. - Emo Philips

I finally got around to update the site statistics generator program. You ever look at that? I like it as "Web Site Stats" over on the navigation. My personal favorite search terms that lead someone here in the current report is " javaone babes." Who searches on that stuff?

Not that I ever had a post about them. Speaking of booth babes at technical conferences, when I was at Linuxworld a few years ago manning a podium in the IBM booth, there was a booth babe next to me in front of a huge rack of xseries running Linux. She would yell out to people passing by, "Boys! Come check out my rack. It's huge!" When people would ask her what it was she would say, "this is a floppy drive raid array. With these twenty-five machines you can store almost thirty-six megs of data!"

Series Finales (06/02/2004)

I don't like to meet my heroes, because I'm worried that they're going to let me down. - Wil Wheaton

To: [my list of geeky friends]

Subject: A Broadcast Space Sci-Fi Rant

This past week evoked a rant response from me since I, by obligation, watch all the space Sci-Fi shows that appear on broadcast television (that means no cable Farscape). I might even call myself a broadcast space Sci-Fi connoisseur, but that would just be sad.

Now, it was a tragedy, a bitter shame, when Firefly went off the off the air. It was by far the best of the various space Sci-Fi shows on broadcast. They did give it a full season to try and capture an audience, but I guess it just never quite made it.

When Starhunter entered its second season, it was a blessing when it died away at the fifth show (though I liked Season One and Percy the engineer is ridiculously hot in that cute way (have I mentioned that these shows teach us most future space craft will have a hot female engineer? (I'm serious about that lesson (Firefly had a hot woman engineer too (does this look like LISP?))))).

As for the end of the Andromeda season, I almost liked it. I have to give them a little credit for staying on the air so long and having a plotline that is mediocre overall. It has some good episodes; it has a few more bad episodes. Andromeda season one was okay. Then all the original writers left after some disputes over the direction of the show and they went with a new "Hercules-like" format that was horrid. Then season three came on, they got some of the original writers back, and it did okay. I think the Captain-Hunt-falls-in-love-and-scores(TM) plot is growing a little old since it occurs at least every other episode. I guess it is hard to resist the hotness that is Kevin Sorbo. Season four they wanted to "create a new complex story-arc" and well, yeah, it apparently involves a rotating hypercube and Trance losing the ability to form contractions in the English language.

Sure, the overall arch went a little incoherent on you, but the ability to kill off all your main characters in valiant and tragic ways was a slight reminder of the brilliant and spectacular finally for Space: Above and Beyond (which outranks Firefly as a one-season-long series that was incredible). I think the real lesson to take away, is that when your artistic staff is asked to create the "fantastic extra-dimensional portal" and the say, "Hey, let's use the Linux desktop hypercube screen saver" they all need to be fired and then shot.

But never was a story of more woe than Enterprise. This shouldn't have ever made it out of the first season. And while I do tend to think adding the background drumbeat to the intro helped, it still makes me ashamed to watch. The show has done its best to steal plot lines constantly from Voyager! My god! Steal plot lines from TNG at least! Aliens from some other type of space entering our own? That was "Species 8472" (it saddens me I know this number). Nazi aliens in world war II, sadly, that was another Voyager rip off from when the Hirogen take over voyager and run an extened WWII holodeck program with them as the Nazi's. How about when the Borg showed up on Enterprise?!? But not TNG Borg, oh no, they were Voyager Borg using the nanomachines to assimilate that aren't even in use by the Borg until First Contact. Remember the most boring Voyager episode ever when the ship is trapped in the "void" and there's nothing to do and Seven of Nine puts the rest of the crew into hibernation and then does nothing? Remember when Enterprise, for reasons no one can possibly imagine, stole this plot line and Dr. Flox put the entire ship into hibernation and then did nothing? I'm sure in the next season, Tucker is going to find some way to break the Warp 10 barrier and then the pillaging of the worst Voyager plotlines will be complete.

What happened to the alien terrorists known as the "Suliban." Did the federation send them packing back to the "Afghanistan Nebula?"

In conclusion, if you have to pick a space Sci-Fi to watch, you should probably pick Andromeda over Enterprise. I guess.

Waiting patiently for the Firefly movie (which will probably suck),

-rev. jordan

earn $$ fast (06/01/2004)

Money often costs too much. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There's a very common occurrence when I head into the laundry at my apartment complex. I see signs that say, "Make $200k a year without leaving home!" and things towards that affect. They have the little tear-away phone numbers and usually at least a few have been torn off.

Each time I do laundry, I tear down all the signs like that and thrown them in the trash. I see it as my civic duty to protect the stupid people in the world from these things. You should do the same.