Story Archive - July 2007

Pre-Flight Check (07/28/2007)

I punch in the country code, the area code and the number. An annoying prerecorded voice comes back to me, "You are unable to call this number." I check the number. I check the area code. I try again. "You are unable to call this number." I'm frustrated.

I pull up the instant messenger list to see if my Australian friend is online and he is. He coaches me through the right way to dial, but I keep getting the same error message. I curse my ATT--there's no way I could curse my iPhone. Finally, he decides to call me and the phone rings, caller id blazing with +61 at the front of it, and I answer. "Hello." "It's good to hear you voice!" "It's great to hear your voice too." "Oh my God, you should like such a Californian." "So do you." "I know, I just don't get to hear a lot of California accents around here." "Okay, we'll it came through as +61 instead of 011 61 so let me give that a shot." "Sounds good." I try again and it fails with the same error.

This international world still scares and confuses me from time to time. I've never been good friends with the phone, so I drop a note into the tubes telling the person I was trying to reach that might flight is booked and I'll be out all week on business. The next day she calls me back to curse me. "Why now? I can't make it now! Well, I could make it, but it would be really really hard. Should I make the effort." Mum is the world from me. She is playing the scenario in her mind of how much work it would take to get out of the migrant farm work and get there. "While I'm thinking about this, here, talking Sandy."

"Hello Jordan!" "Hello Sandy." "Your accent if fabulous." "Yours isn't so bad either." "I don't have an accent it's all you." "Well, this is my fabulous Californian accent." "Do you have others?" "What?" "Well, if this is your Californian accent, what other accents do you have?" "I guess I don't have any others." "Here, talk with my little brother he's never really left the farm so his accent isn't tainted by big city living."

"Hello?" "You have to talk more than that so I can hear you accent." I talk with Tim for a while and there are multiple times I have to ask him to repeat what he has said. He is incredibly hard to understand.

After I finish talking with everyone on the farm, I get back to my friend. She says she'll think about it and puts the odds at about forty-nine percent.

Roll three days into the future and I get into the office the day I'm going to leave. There is this strange sense of it around the office. At this exact moment I am in a very lynch pin position in the organization, so the company can't easily afford to have me to go on this business trip for a week, but the company can't easily afford to not have me go on this trip. So I'm going, because the work to be done is my favorite part of the job.

I startup Outlook at the office and the hard drive spins at 100% and the computer grinds to a halt. After letting it go for an hour, I terminate applications, reboot, try again and hit the same problem. I reboot and I shut down my Google Desktop, automated backup and a few other process and try again with the same results. I take it to IT. IT installs some patches and gives it back. Same problem. I take it to IT who blows out my local Outlook cache and rebuild it saying it is working great. Same problem. Now I have to leave for the airport and I have no e-mail on my work laptop. I sigh. Mitigation plan is that I have my work laptop and my personal laptop with me on this trip. I like my Mac better anyway, it's just too much to lug around.

Going Down Under (07/27/2007)

Bye mates. I'll be in Australia for week.

I Feel Smart (07/24/2007)

If my ego was out of whack and I believed I could carry anything off, that would be a stupid risk. But so far there's been no reason not to try anything. - Kathleen Turner

I mentioned to my new hire that I used to work at the same company she did under the same boss she had. She IM'ed her old boss about it, and enjoyed the conversation so much, she forwarded me a snippet to make my ego too big.

Old Manager: howz the new job?

New Hire: pretty good

New Hire: does Jordan XXXXXXXX ring a bell?

Old Manager: one of the smartest dudes i've ever worked with

New Hire: He's my manager here

Old Manager: him and hamilton were good friends i think

Old Manager: lol!

Old Manager: tell him andy and I said hello

Old Manager: andy loves jordan too

Old Manager: he is very, very tallented

Old Manager: that kid could solve every single problem that we ever put in front of him. he always took it in stride. we'd have something impossible and he'd just say, okay here's how to solve it.

Another Year at the Lake (07/22/2007)

I will look on your treasures, gypsy. Is this understood? - Borat Sagdiyev

I wake up at 2am, put on warm clothes and slowly creep out. I take my steps carefully having to pass through other people's bedrooms no matter which route I choose. I deftly avoid waking up the dogs. On my way through the yard I grab one of the lawn chairs and make my way to the end of the dock. Feet up, drink in hand, I take in the lights on the other side of the lake and look at the stars above. It's one of my fondest traditions on the lake. Many years I am joined on the pier by other people, usually spontaneously, but this year it seems right to have the time to myself and I'm not disappointed that the rest of the house is asleep.

It's a strange year at the lake. Every year has a different feel to it. There are happy years. There are sad years. There are crazy years. There are lackluster years. I have historically reveled in my nonage in previous years but this year required stepping up. It's not a challenge. It's not a stretch. It's just different.

Of all the crazy moments the BBQ lightening mid-week was among the most fun. The house had a single charcoal powered BBQ. Since cooking with fire is mens work, my future brother-in-law CJ and I went down to the corner store to get briquettes. On our return home we discovered the BBQ is gone from the backyard. After lots of head scratching we deduce the gardener must have locked it up on the shed while he was there in the morning. He was kind enough to give us his business card while there and I call the number and reach Mrs. Gardener who apologizes for her husband. He swings by that afternoon to release the BBQ from the shed for us.

The four legs are not attached to the bottom of the BBQ. We struggle a bit trying to get it told hold when CJ wanders off. I keep making valiant efforts, but there just isn't enough surface area on the screws for it to work. CJ returns with four sets of washers. "Where did you get those?" I ask. "From the garage." "Really? There was a toolbox with washers in the garage?" "Nope, but there was something that probably doesn't need them as much." Washers in and the BBQ stands up great.

We load in the briquettes and pull the BBQ lighter. *Click* with no flame. Again. *Click* with no flame. We search the house for matches or a lighter without success. I go up stairs and grab a long candle. The oven is cooking potatoes, I touch the wick to the heating element and it bursts into flames. I go back downstairs and into the yard cupping the candle, but the wind blows it out instantly. CJ grabs the candle lantern and we repeat the process. The lantern is wonderfully shielded from the wind and we successfully get it over to the grill. We cannot get the long candle lit long enough to light briquettes.

I grab a roll of newspaper and douse it with lighter fluid. I touch the candle, *BOOM*, flames erupt from the paper. The briquettes light. Hi-five. Sexy-times.

One Score and One Year (07/14/2007)

And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. 'I don't know how to kill the bunny.' - Trent (Swingers)

I walk up to the bar and notice a sign saying, "Saturday night drink specials." I ask the bartender what the specials are and she pauses a moment and says, "I have no clue. What do you want them to be?" "Everything we order tonight? I'll have a Grey Goose vodka tonic." There's a moment of pause on her face, "Okay. How about three dollars for that?" "I love you." "I know."

My youngest brother turned twenty-one on Saturday and we went out drinking. That's how the game goes. The bar we went to was small and on the outskirts of Citrus Heights, while that location isn't well-known as a hotbed of excitement, every night out with me is story in the making. My tweets from the night show I was head-over-heels for the bartender and she earned every moment of it.

Everyone treats you better when you have a guy on his twenty-first birthday. The bartender came over with a set of free kamikaze's for the table, including one for herself, and downed it with us.

The rumor is at one point during the night one of my friends went over the bartender and told her I wanted her digits. She said I was adorable, she had a boyfriend, but she would love to have us come back and continue being fantastic tippers.

The DJ was spinning craziness that night. I heard Journey. I heard Styx. I heard Christina. It was flopping all over for the dance mix. When we first got there everyone was leaving the bar, probably scared by out motley crew, and the dance floor was empty. As the night went on, we started taking it up a notch and one of the reserved kids took the lead on the floor getting freaked by my sister.

Anime Expo: Day 2 - Playing Dress-up (07/01/2007)

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life. - Oscar Wilde

AX was in Anaheim for the last few years. We have a tradition on the slow night at AX to go to Downtown Disney and have a fancy dinner. This year was no different, even though the event was in Long Beach. We had two cars and we're going to take them, but my brother's car had expired registration and we thought we should avoid driving it as much as possible. So we rented a second and we left.

It was a bit extravagant and if AX is in Long Beach next year, we'll probably end up just finding a walkable restaurant to go to. Still, it's nice to sit outdoors in Downtown Disney and be able to watch the fireworks display since it's close to the 4th of July. Go America!