Story Archive - June 2009

Being on Time (06/28/2009)

Build your life around your strength rather than patching up your weaknesses. - Dr. Lara Honos-Webb

I am a punctual person. I am a very punctual person. It's a respect thing. If I'm late, than I'm not respecting your time. And so it has been said of me, "you can usually see Jordan hanging out around fifteen minutes before an event waiting for it to start." Yes, I like to be on time.

I get this from my mother. I promise. She is neurotic. She accepts this diagnosis without hesitation and blames it on her decades as a reporter, "if you weren't on time, you didn't get the story. And if you weren't fifteen minutes early, you probably didn't get the scoop." This past weekend we were going to see a show in San Francisco that started at 2pm and so I said, "great, let's leave Sacramento at noon and we should be there by 1:30pm." No problem! Right? That gives a half-an-hour of buffer time for traffic, and a normal human might have accepted this at face value.

Of course, half-an-hour of buffer time is not enough for her. "Nono! What if there is a horrible accident? What if there is a race at Sear's Point? What if there is a Giant's Game? Then we will be late! So let's have lunch in the city and use lunch as buffer!"

The internets tell us that there was no race and no game, but fair enough, I think. I suggested, "let's leave at 11am, we'll get there at 12:30pm which gives us an hour for lunch and a thirty minute buffer." This sounds reasonable to you, right? This sounds very reasonable to me. This does not sound reasonable to someone who is a little crazy about these things, "but what if lunch takes to long? What is there is traffic? What if we can't find parking? What if we can't find the theater! We should leave at 9:30am!"

"Oh mother, let me just make sure you are clear on what you have asked for. You asked to add in lunch as use as buffer, but then you decided you needed to buffer the buffer. You understand that, right? So we should leave at 10:30am." "Nono! I will not be comfortable leaving later than 9:30am!" "Okay, how about this, we will leave at 10am and you can put a picnic basket in the trunk in case we need to skip lunch." "Deal."

So what happened? 10:00am we left the door. 11:30am we arrived in SF. 11:40am we started lunch. 12:30pm we were done with lunch. Giving us, 90 minutes of buffer time with nothing to do.

Picnics and Adoptions (06/14/2009)

Too many children in foster care are falling through cracks. Be a hero, take the time learn about adoption today. - Bruce Willis

On Saturday I went to an event about international adoption: a bay area Holt Picnic. I went there with my girl, who is an international adoptee, so that she could talk with people and so that I could learn a little bit about how her experience varies from others. She has a fascinating story, but of course, this site is not about other people's stories; it's about mine.

We went, partially for her to be there as an adult adoptee, but also for me to be there as someone interested in learning about what that means in the world. The event was mostly filled with Caucasian parents who had adopted asian children (though there was one Indian couple with a Korean adoptee that caught my eye) who were there as a support and education system and to meet other families. I found the parents inspiring at the event, they are trying desperately to learn from the well-adjusted adult adoptees about what they need to do to be the best parents they can be. Adoptive parents are a step up on the general parent population, obviously, none of them are accidental parents. Since these were bay-area parents, they are also at an advantage; not one looks twice at a single Caucasian parent with an asian child, and few people would even notice two Caucasian parents with an asian child. This place I live is a wonderful and diverse culture and few people pause at an interracial family. The stories of these parents and children will be very different than those in small-town midwest cities.

There was a panel where parents of toddler adoptees were asking questions of adult adoptees. The parents are struggling to understand what are the tough things they will have to face, and what they can do to be better parents. It's very uplifting, in general. And obviously, the adult adoptees that are involved in these types of panels and services are the ones who turned out okay, and so the panel is skewed, but it's still inspiring to hear talk about how their lives went well, even if they have adopted siblings who are now estranged.

My opinions of the challenges of childhood to adulthood got formed during my years working in housing at my university. I know I was a more open and inviting resident assistant then most. My senior year, in my complex of eight RAs, it was very common for residences from the other floors to come to me to talk about life and challenges and ask me not to bring it up with their own RA. Every child will have to deal with one-hundred and fifty things on there way to adult hood; the challenge is not to try and combat all of those things, because only five-or-so will actually really be a problem for them. The problem as a parent is to be ever-vigil and recognize those five things. These parents of adoptees know what a couple of these kids know what two of the one-hundred and fifty things are, but really don't know if those two things will be among the ones that are actually a real challenge for them.

Of course, every family has its challenges and they all seem to catch you by surprise. if you had told me a few decades ago that the uncle and the cousin that was among the closest to me would now be estranged, I would have scoffed at this. If you would have told me I would have an adopted sister who is estranged from her biological mother, I would have scoffed at this. Still, this is how life rolls: always an adventure in the unexpected.

In the last few years, I've come to a sense that it's fairly likely I will adopt at least one child. My family are large supporters of the zero-population-growth initiative. Though I am one of five siblings (or seven, depending on the math), when you actually do the math with steps and halves and adoptees, all the parents are running pretty well on sustainability. I'll admit, it's exciting to be with someone who has similar views on things.

Saving the Last Dance (06/10/2009)

Okay okay, this will probably be my last dancing update until I master the art of swing. But just a little while ago I was able to convince a modest size groups of my friends to head out swing dancing on a lovely Friday night in midtown. I managed to dance with most of the ladies (except the one that escaped me and the one who dismissed me (tear)), but above all else, the most important part of having friends there was the chance to give them my camera and say, "hey, could you take a few photos of me dancing with my lady?" DONE!

Dancing through Life 1 Dancing through Life 2 Dancing through Life 3

Subtle Secret Moment (06/03/2009)

There's a subtle perfect instant when the lights are fading down

I know the places I could be, the best is in this little town.

I can see the way you sway and know there's something to be done.

I'll reach out, just that hint, but it's enough to make you run.

And then together, you and me, in a wily twist and turn.

In our secret moment your secret smile is how I learn,

that swiftly with a flourish, watch you swivel watch you rush.

A simple tug to spin you close... hush...