Story Archive - October 2007

Apple is Mother; Apple is Father (10/29/2007)

Only those whose lives are brief can believe that love is eternal. You should embrace that remarkable illusion. - Lorien

Like a happy Apple denizen I made sure to get Leopard the night that it was released and go through the process of installing on my computer. Glory be to Apple, it is up and running beautifully with no major issues. We had an install party to get it running on a few of the computer around home. We are nearly a 100% Apple home, except for a stray MythTV box or two sitting around the place. Everything was up and smoothly running quickly. I have no clue if there is any new and cool feature I really like, but I'm psychologically compelled to have the latest version of things running whenever possible.

Slowly Apple has been taking over my soul. I used to be the non-Apple non-Microsoft alternative proudly running Linux (or OS/2) on my home computer and getting my music through my Archos. Now I have the Apple MacBook, the AppleTV, the Apple iPhone and a collection of Apple iPods (Mini and Shuffle). How clever you have been Apple, forcing your way into my life.

Last week my iPhone stopped working (sort of) on me. I had the strangest behavior. If I answered the phone I couldn't hear the person and the person couldn't hear me, unless I put it on speaker phone where everything worked. If I played my music it didn't work there either. I'd lost my headset so the phone was nearly unusable by me. I went into the Apple store to buy a new headset ($29.99?!? This is the one thing I hate about you Apple) and the retail lady was able to fix my phone by simple plugging in her headset and then removing it. Yep. The phone had a phantom headset attached.

Apple, when will you come out with the iPhone NoTouch (TM) for me? When I am commuting to and from the office I want to be able to do everything from voice dialing to checking e-mail through speech commands and text-to-speech. Someday Apple. I'm waiting, but until then I remain your myrmidon. You are slowly becoming everywhere in my life, for my convenience.

Pumpkin Party (10/28/2007)

Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin. - Simone Schwarz-Bart

I had this great plan for a nice and relaxed Sunday afternoon at home organizing my closet. This is an activity that I have been planning for somewhere around the last two years and the inspiration hit me. I woke up the morning and made pancakes and coffee for the house. Deliciousness for everyone. There is nothing quite like that wafting smell.

I made my way out for supplies and somehow got caught up in a minor shopping spree. In generally, having to speak with people at a store terrifies me, but once I have started the mission and realize that I must interact with people, it is a downward spiral of purchasing as much as I can to avoid having to go shopping again for another few years.

I got many various contraptions for closet organization and exciting new clothes approved by my image consultant (*cough* family member). After the fun of shopping, plus food, plus haircut I headed home to begin constructing shelves, washing clothes and the like only to be interrupt by my calendar beeping at me.

Hmm? Calendar beeping? What was that? "Pumpkin Carving Party!" Oh no! It was time for the annual pumpkin carving event that I had completely forgotten about. This party is a proud tradition. We purchase all pumpkins within five square miles and carve them until we are sick and tired of pumpkins.

New clothes on, jump in the car and drive to the party! They are all very excited to see me because the party is across the bay and I must make a crazy trek late on a Sunday night to get there.

For the theme of the event there are dead mice in the sangria and cockroaches in the pizza. We carve and carve and carve. We are all having a hard time trying to one-up later years. Last year I did Calvin, Trogdor and one other fun one. My first work is a surprised pumpkin and nothing to write home about. For my second one I get this brilliant idea to carve a spiral up the pumpkin. This does not work. If I had prepared and brought tooth picks to add structural support it may have worked, but I did not.

Now I have to start planning for the office party because last year I won the prize for best pumpkin. I'm not sure I can take it up another notch this year.

Deliciously Easy (10/27/2007)

If you enjoy thinking, your brain develops. - Edward Teller

The thing about the billion questions post is that they are delicious easy to throw together.

If I looked in your trunk, what would I find?
A santa hat from last year, jumper cables and tire inflator. Quite boring really.
Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?
Always closed. If I leave the door open, the cat decides that it is a fine time to come in a play with me. This is, of course, not the time I want to cat the cuddly
Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawers, or just thrown in?
When they are not stacked in a clean pile on bed (20% of the time), they are nicely folded in the drawer they belong in.
Sleep on your back or stomach?
I sleep on my stomach, but need to be propped up at and angle so my neck doesn't snap. I use one of many different stuffed animals to accomplish this goal.
Are you a cuddler?
Absolute, but if I lie on of my sides that nostril closest to the earth clogs for reasons I can't explain. I can take this problem for about five minutes before it freaks me out and I need to roll to my other side. Then the other nostril clogs. This is quite frustrating to me and the cudlee.
What would I find if I looked under your bed?
Boxes of keep-sakes that I don't use, but don't want to get rid of. It ranges from my old role playing books to my high school mix tapes.
Something that happened today that has made you mad?
Found dishes in the dishwasher that had not been sufficiently pre-washed for the dishes to be cleaned by the machine washing cycle. Since I am generally the one who empties the dish washer these days, it means that I will find them still dirty, curse, and then hand wash them.
What were you doing before this survey?
Just finished eating a delicious pancake breakfast I cooked for "the family."
What will you do after this survey?
Shower. Hair cut. Go to Target in search of closet organizing containers. Work. Pumpking Carving.
Marriage or living together?
Will eventually reach the former, but not opposed to the latter as an interim. Shacking up for life is not very tempting to me.
What are you wearing right now?
White undershirt, flannel PJ pants, argile socks and slippers that are held together by purple electrical tape.
How many times have you been in love?
Three and counting. All very different experiences.
Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
Hidden from all but a select few.
Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
I'm pretty happy with where I am.
First thing you do when you wake up?
Get up and walk over the alarm. Check when my first meeting is on my work laptop. Reset the alarm for more sleep. Go back to bed.
Last person you told you love them?
My cousin, who doesn't here it often enough from her family. She was really touched by it. Really. Much more than I would have expected.
Kiss with your eyes open or closed?
Closed. I have no desire to look up someone's nostrils while making out.
Bite or Lick?
Bite
Do you like yogurt?
Yes. Active cultures are delicious.
Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
Why would you do that? That's just weird.
Why do you like the person you like?
We have similar souls.
When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
No. I lie awake and it is one of the best times of my entire day.
If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend, would you?
Of course. A monkey for weekend?!? I would call him Mojo-Jojo.
What is the current advertisement on the side of the screen?
I'm not doing this online, so nothing. Umm, my Leopard 2-D dock that I have on the left?
What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
Not the chase, but perhaps, a catch.
When will you turn 50?
10/12/2027
Where do you wish you were right now?
Watching Sunday morning cartoons. Is there a Pokeman marathon or is that just Saturdays?
What song are you currently listening to?
"Unwritten." I describe this all the time. I download the Top-25 songs each month from my favorite radio station's playlists (current Alive 97.3) and I just play that collection on shuffle.
Have you ever passed out from drinking?
I have no recollection of every passing out from drinking.
If you found out that your significant other was cheating on you what would you do?
Dump them immediately. It might hurt me. It might suck. That's my party line and I have precendence to back it up.
What time did you wake up this morning?
8:00am. I hung out in bed listening to snooty NPR and BBC radio until about 11:00am.
Do you have any cousins?
A bunch. Did I tell you that my mom tried to set me up on a date with one of them? Glorious.
Should there be a puke color in the crayon box?
Of course. Kids love that kind of stuff.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
According to my call history, no one in the last few days. I _HATE_ the phone.
What is the WORST subject they teach in school?
For me, specifically, sexual education as taught by an old Jesuit priest. I still have nightmares.
Where do you plan on living when you grow up?
I am grown up. The bay area or Sacramento, but it wouldn't be hard for that to change with the right reasons. We've got plains and trains and cars.
What was your dream this morning?
The year was 1889 and I was on Mars.
How many times have you seen your favorite movie?
I don't know what movie that would be. Maybe a dozen? Probably not that many. I tend to read scripts and memorize thus removing the need to re-watch unless showing off to a friend.
Where was the last place you traveled?
I last drove to Sacramento and I last flew to Turkey.
How was your past weekend?
We had a production launch and I was awake and working for seventy-two hours straight. It was AWESOME.
What is your favorite song?
The Murmurs - Ticket to Zen
Why are you doing this survey?
It my moment of writing in the morning before I get all my errands done.
Do you think you are attractive?
I am attractive. My opinion on the matter isn't important.
Is someone on your mind right now?
Absolutely.
Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Humans are not capable of this.
Do you worry about how you look?
Slightly. I have a very low bar for my baseline, and generally don't care beyond that.
Would you ever change for a boy/girl?
Life is change. Anyone who tells you different is selling something. It's just a question of degree.
Pro-life or Pro-choice?
Technically pro-choice. I feel like I really get both sides of it, and I have a lot of empathy toward both.
Have you ever been on stage?
Who hasn't? I've also been in newspaper and television ads.
Can you whistle?
Sure can. Not the finger-in-the-mouth calling whistle, but the musical kind.
Would you do anything for that special someone?
I would move the world with my will if needed.
Do you know who Stewie Griffin is?
Who doesn't? Losers. That's who.
Do you have any plans for today?
Didn't you ask this one already? See #9.
Are you friends with guys or girls?
I am more likely to have long life discussions with girls and more likely to have OSX Leopard install parties with boys.
Why?
42
Do you like the beach?
I love the beach.
What color is your toothbrush
The Sonicare is white. The one at my office is hot pink. Jealous?
What makes you laugh?
Intellectual humor. You might not get it.
Are you ticklish?
Fairly, yes.
Have you had sex in public?
Oh dear god no. You shouldn't either. What if the neighbors see?!?

A Secret Note About Work (10/25/2007)

The obsidian flake and the silicon chip are struck by the light of the same campfire that has passed from hand to hand since the human mind began. - George B. Dyson

Keep this one pretty quiet, okay? I mostly avoid doing any substantive talking about work around here because I've seen friends have a brush with the ax for talking work. I work at a company that isn't crazy and I am encouraged to evangelize our company, but we do care about our reputation so I like to avoid mixing company talk with the wild variety of dysthemia and debauchery I mention around here..

I have had a very interesting year at the office. There has been a lot of craziness on a lot of levels. I work very hard. I am very good at what I do. I was snuggled into a corporate position that wasn't setup for success and still managed a decent amount of success. Don't get me wrong, there have been some disasters that required cleanup, but over all things went okay. I take comfort thinking there aren't many who would have done a better job.

One of the main issues I had was that there was no boss above me. There was this big gap in the organizational structure where I had to fill the very tactical role they were paying me for and I had to fill the very strategic role they weren't paying me for.

Just tonight I was talking with my mother who commented that she felt that in her career she had to be a competitive and driven person, but she was really caring mellow at heart. "Hello Tree," said I, the Apple. I accept the mellow, caring and serene me that cries at stupid emotional commercials as much as the competitive driven me that says grandiose things about the lacking intellect of coworkers (who lack intellect).

Funny thing is, sometimes the mellow, meek and caring me decides to set aside the kindness and throw down for a friend who needs it. Sometimes the competitive driven me decides to set aside the good career choice to go home and get a hug. It's that strange balancing act. You know?

Oh, and that gap in the organizational structure just got filled. They put me into it and now I have to backfill my old slot. So now I am doing the very strategic role they are paying me for and the very tactical role they are not. New title? "Director, Global Technical Consulting." Sounds quite impressive, eh?

Ipis (10/20/2007)

Both the cockroach and the bird would get along very well without us, although the cockroach would miss us most. - Joseph Wood Krutch

"What's that?" she asks pointing toward a shadow on the ceiling. We both look at the shadow on the ceiling and pause. I squint. She quints. We are both blind without our glasses. I have a better set of eyes than she does with my bionic implant. We still can't suss out what the nebulous shadowy blob on the ceiling is.

"I could turn on the light." We pause and wonder. While turning on the light will reveal what happens to be hanging on the ceiling we both know that turning on the light will reveal what happens to be hanging on the ceiling. I look at her again, trying to read her expression.

"Turn on the light" she says to me. I sigh, and mentally prepare myself for the shrieks that are going to occur when the giant three inch cockroach is revealed to us. I reach over slowly and pull the chain on the nigh stand. Than I laugh.

Her blindness is too much and she can't see what it is. "It's the fire sprinkler." "What?" "It's the fire sprinkler." We both laugh. We both laugh hard. We were positive it was some mutant insect that would convert to flight terror the moment the lights were one.

"How long have you lived here?" she asks me. "Two years." "Two years and you don't know where the fire sprinklers are?" She punches my arm. I rub it and chuckles.

Office Marco Polo (10/19/2007)

I have not told half of what I saw. - Marco Polo

The office was dead silent on a quiet Friday afternoon. A call of "Marco" broke through the silence followed by twenty responses of "Polo."

A great game of office Marco Polo can really bring life back to things. You need to work in a cube farm to really enjoy this game. In a cube is safe, but between cubes is the equivalent of fish out of water.

Epic work of Writing (10/17/2007)

Melancholy is no bad thing. - Sting

I wanted to create an epic work of writing that reflected all the feelings that surrounded my recent birthday. I wanted to say something that accurately reflected the excitement, the anticipation, the joy, ruminations and the melancholy of it all. I don't think I have it in me.

Suffice to say I just passed through a big and lovely birthday and took stock again on where I am thus far in life and where I want to continue. If you had asked me five years ago where I would be today, I would not have described where I am. The place I'm at isn't better. It isn't worse. It's just a bit to the side. That's the funny part of juggling it really. When I look at the parts of life that could use some tweaking I also have to take into account the parts of life that need to be dropped to make time for it. The juggling act is a hard one.

I think the most touching birthday wish I got was from one of my colleagues at work who I haven't known long. He has very honest heart and sent along, "You're a person who is appreciated for being a leader, a nice guy and a wonderful personality who makes us smile and inspires us. Don't forgot your priorities: (1) You, (2) Your Family/Friends, (3) Work."

Another Birthday (10/12/2007)

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. - Edmund Burke

My birthday is coming up. I want the same gift I have always wanted. Give some money to someone who needs it more than me. Below is a link farm of a few of the charitable organizations I think treat my money right. You do what you want, but if you want to give me a gift, give the gift of making someone else's world brighter. Mine is bright enough.

First Rain (10/09/2007)

Rain is grace; rain is the sky condescending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life. - John Updike

Angel whispers burning. Music softly playing. Code compiling. Then I hear it. At first I think my mind is playing games, but I push aside the curtains and see the damp patio below. It's raining! I stop the work, kick off my slippers and go running outside. If you catch the rain fast, you don't need to worry much about the snails being out.

God has a tradition of making the first rain of the year happen right around the time of my birthday. I've grown used to His custom and greet it with open arms. Outside I open my mouth and enjoy the taste of fresh bacteria-filled water falling from the sky. I sit on a bench, the water soaks through my pants, and just wait for the same to happen to my shirt.

There is an old wives tale that you can catch cold by spending too much time in the rain. As a young bachelor I am immune. Glory be.

Shaking out the Dust (10/08/2007)

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. - Mitch Hedberg

My eyes popped open on Saturday morning and refused to close. I finally gave in, put on my skates and went to the grocery store to buy supplies for breakfast. Later, back at home, I ate slices of apple and cooked pancakes on the skillet trying to achieve the elusive level between raw and burn. My roommates appeared towards the end of the cooking ordeal and ate a delicious breakfast. They were gracious and planning to head out for a party.

The past three months have been non-stop for me and the idea of having a quiet day alone at home was too much for me to resist. I send them on their way and stay home to clean for a few hours. The tide of clutter and filth in the common area is incomprehensible. It is the kind that can only be generated by a small heard of Ross-a-potamuses. While I valiantly attempt to heard them nearly every day, it wears the soul. I too am quick to succumb to the stuff-on-chair principle (a clean chair is where you sit. The moment you put a single thing on it, it has become a place to put stuff and the pile will grow).

I clean my room the most. It is a place of solitude and peace. I was my luxurious six-hundred thread count sheets, read for an hour in bed, and then put back on my skates for a couple hours of exercise. What a pleasant weekend.

Only in Canada (10/02/2007)

In Canada we are ruled by a small boy with supernatural powers... of whom we are all very fond. - David Foley

I jump into the car with the CTO. We're trying to make a quick run for lunch and get back in time for the next meeting. We're taking his car, because while mine is fueled by sunshine and kittens, he grinds up hybrids to fuel his.

We zipped down the road at really quick clip. The thing about my office is that there are a lot of Canadian Geese around. We zoom up to an intersection where all three lanes of traffic are at a dead stop while geese are wandering around in front of the cars. We are four cars back in the line. The geese are not crosing the road; they are chilling. The cars are not slowly nudging forward to make the geese move, they are just happily sitting.

Ten seconds pass and the CTO screams, "this is ridiculous!" He throws his car into park, jumps out and goes charging past all the stopped cars flailing his arms and screaming. The geese scatter. He runs back and jumps in and we go to lunch.

Imbibe

Expel

Chaos, Corp.

Dissipate

Now Earning

Recent Dogma

Central Dogma

Outer Dogma